Potato, mysticism, Self, cheese...

Potato stuffed with cheese. They are being sold for 33p all over the place. They can stuff with shredded chicken also, but i opt out (being a vegetarian and all). My dinner consisted of two of them. Not too bad.

It´s been a thoughtful, uneventful day, but my mind has been whirling, rippling, settling, stirring...im feeling content in this ongoing stream of experience. I feel like something in me has switched on; I cant explain it well...Everything is ok. Pain is ok. Change is ok. Life is ok. Well, it just is. I am becoming more accepting, but also more proactive. Twinges and waves of emotion still hit me regularly, but Im not really latching onto them like i used to. It feels like an opening.

"To study mysticism is to study the self; to study the self is to forget the self; to forget the self is to be one with all things".
-Dogen

I came here in part to meet my loneliness and to know that i can survive alone; to some how untangle myself from an unhealthy mental position whereby i saw myself as dependant on others for my own self worth and love. Here i have certainly met my loneliness. New unfamiliar surroundings, constant stares and behind the back whispers, pointings, wonderings, laughter that i dont understand. I am a stranger to this land, sometimes finding myself utterly alienated. So, yes, I still have feelings of relative loneliness...But deep down something in me feels a sense of peace and connection. Always alone, never alone. I mean, if everything is a whirling mass of spirit, one spirit, then that one spirit IS alone, for it is one. But within that one spirit, the whirling mass of fragmented being that feels seperated, isolated, can not feel so once it realises its part of the whole. That it IS the whole, can not exist without. An awesome collective experience, creation. I´ve always thought this, but not always truly felt it. This is not really important to share, just knowing meself is enough, but some of you may find it resonates, or may want to tell me that im a Granola chick (the phrase an American dude i met uses when referring to Hippy)!? "No sé"... but whatever, i feel positive shifts. I feel i´m finding new aspects of myself that have long been hidden or repressed, i´m finding a fearlessness and a security, feeling more free to choose how to live and experience my life, to know how I want to express myself. Still, there is always much to know and learn.

I´m suddenly aware of a sense of missing people. I feel very blessed to know such wonderful people. May we all know ourSelf better each day :)

...well, now i might go and have another potato and cheese thingy ;)
x